This brings me to the exciting part of this story, my decision to dive into this completely scary and unknown, but magnificent chapter in my life. About a month ago, I was out with one of my closest friends, Ed, and I told him how I wanted to try IUI to conceive and start my family. He asked me some good questions to help me sort through my thoughts and feelings about the possibilities of this new adventure. After sorting through my emotions and the practical side of all this, it truly and fully dawned on me that this is what I want. I’ve always been someone who appreciates a good coin flip to help me make a decision and see where the universe might offer its perspective on the matter. Now, of course the coin flipping is all in good fun, as I am sure I would have embarked on this adventure despite the outcome. I told Ed that I would flip a coin 3 times, and if it landed on heads all 3 times then I would know I had made the right decision. And guess what? It landed on heads all 3 times! The excitement we both felt at that moment was beautiful. No matter heads or tails, I’m thrilled to be a mom!
Several days ago I called the sperm bank I had already chosen, Xytex, and dropped about $1,100 to buy one sample of sperm from a donor I carefully selected with the help of my parents. I feel super excited but also a little scared right at this moment. I have just been so busy setting up all these doctor’s appointments and choosing the sperm donor, that I hadn’t even had a chance to feel anxiety. Now that the donor is chosen and the sample in transit to my obgyn, I suddenly find myself a ball of nerves. I will be ovulating sometime between today and Tuesday. I bought these ovulation test strips on Amazon, and I’m testing my urine every day to observe when I have a surge is luteinizing hormone (LH). This surge will indicate the time period just before the oocyte is released from the ovary, and my doctor will be performing the intrauterine insemination (IUI), the day after the surge in LH is detected. This procedure will cost a little over $400, making each individual attempt a little more than $1500.
All this nervous tension is happening for a variety of reasons I can think of. First, I have no idea if I’m even fertile, because I’ve never tried to get pregnant. I’m a little worried about how let down I’ll feel if I go through all this excitement, planning and attempts at pregnancy, but am not able to get pregnant. I know I’ll be broken hearted (and not to mention broke!). Second, I have anxiety about the fact that the sperm donor is already chosen and I’m second-guessing myself a little. The third thing that is creating this anxiety is the fact that I am alone with these thoughts a lot of the time. I did get to have tea and go walking with two of my best friends, Renee and Ed, earlier this week on different days, and that helped a lot. But besides that and the hours I worked with the kids I nanny for, I’ve been alone. I wish I lived in a community where I felt more connected to the people around me. But the truth is it’s such a different world than the one I grew up in. We are all closed up in our houses or apartments, separated from each other, staring at all these different screens. My anxiety is mixing with loneliness right now and it hurts.
A few days ago I decided I’m going to begin crocheting a baby blanket for my future baby. I had crocheted a blanket for my friend Tracy’s baby about 4 years ago and I loved it so much, I knew that one day I wanted to make an identical blanket for my child. So I went online and ordered the yarn. Not sure how long the shipping will take but I have a ton of yarn at my house, so while I’m waiting for that yarn, I will choose another one and begin another baby blanket. By beginning this baby blanket, it symbolizes my hope and belief that I will become pregnant and have a beautiful child of my own. Crocheting also relaxes my mind, so it will serve a dual purpose in helping me release this nervous tension. I’ll post photos of the blanket soon!
So today is Saturday and I haven’t yet used the ovulation test strip. I try to test my urine at the same time every day, around 2 pm. Really hoping these test strips work because I’m relying on them to let me know when I’m ovulating. They had really good reviews on Amazon, so hoping for the best. My obgyn isn’t open on Sundays so I’m actually hoping I don’t see the positive result for the surge in LH until tomorrow, because my doctor said it’s best to perform the IUI the day after the surge is detected.
Speaking of my obgyn, Her name is Dr. Lamb and she is absolutely my favorite doctor I’ve ever had. Well, I only met her once at this point because my old obgyn just retired, but I already get the best feeling from her. She is super friendly and genuine and very excited for me and my decision to try for a baby. Knowing that she would be the one delivering the baby when I get pregnant makes me feel so happy.
Everything in this process has been so simple and easy so far, I have to believe it’s a sign that I am meant to have a baby. It’s crazy to think I really only just began this process a few weeks ago and now I’m already about to make my first IUI attempt. I do believe in signs. The day I went to have my blood levels checked to see if appears I’m ovulating normally, they tested my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), LH (luteinizing hormone), and estradiol. The man who drew my blood for the tests chose one of the children’s bandaids for me when I requested it. The one he chose was green and as he was putting it on me he said, “green means life.” He had no clue why I was there, and I felt it was a sign when he said that to me. I might have a new life growing inside me by next week!
Another sign was that they called me the very next day to let me know the blood test results were back and I am ovulating normally according to their results. It was exactly a week ago when I got that call. So if everything is easy for me in terms of getting pregnant, then this process might be easier than I could have imagined. If not, I already have an appointment with one of the top fertility doctors in CT for October 3rd. But if I get pregnant on the first attempt then I won’t need to keep that appointment. I’m really praying God helps me get pregnant on the first try!
Please follow my blog along here on my WordPress site by clicking the follow button and you will receive emails anytime I post a new entry. I really appreciate all the love and support I’ve already been shown in the short time since I first announced my plans. I’ll definitely keep everyone updated all throughout this journey as my love is flourishing.